Reflections

We celebrated both boys' birthdays a few weeks ago and I did some reflecting on the past few years.

Xan was born September 23, 2005. I attended a women's conference the evening of his birthday. Little did I know that hundreds of miles away a very young lady was giving birth to a little boy who would be my son. I can't imagine the pain she felt when she left the hospital empty handed. As I was running on the tread mill on September 23, 2009, I began to wonder (and cry) if she was thinking of her baby boy today. What was she imagining he was like on his 4th birthday? Did she know that he is beautiful? Did she know that he is loved by so many? I wish I could tell her all these things. I wish that I could tell her that by the end of this home school year, he should be able to read simple words, something she never had the privilege of doing. I wish I could tell her that he is inquisitive, kind hearted, loving, and reserved. I wish she knew that he loves Larry Boy, trains, swimming, and playing with his brother. Oh, all the things I wish I could tell her to put her mind at ease.

The same reflections occured on Brennan's birthday. The reflections for him were a little different simply because his situation was different. I have questions I want to ask his birth parents. Questions like: Did you expose him to drugs or alcohol while he was in the womb? Did you know you were pregnant when you consumed these things? Is that why you placed him for adoption? Did you bring him home from the hospital hoping nothing would be wrong and then discovered in the three weeks you had him that something was terribly wrong? But, along with these questions, I would want to say THANK YOU!!! Thank you for this blessing! There are things I would want them to know as well. Brennan is a fighter (and I don't mean physically) and God is the Great Physician. Brennan has fought through so many things: partial blindness (God completely restored his vision), multiple ear infections, two sets of tubes, severe increased muscle tone that prevented him from sitting up, crawling, and walking, significant tongue thrust that made feeding him a bottle very frustrating and slowed his speech development. Brennan has had to work and fight to do things that come naturally to most children. But he has done it! I wish that I could tell his birth parents that he is all boy: wild and crazy. He has no fear, he runs full speed any chance he gets, he goes off everything head first, he is tough as nails, sweet, beautiful, and has a smile that lights up a room.

I love these boys and I hope that their birth parents know that!