Friday, March 30, 2012

I am weak.

Yesterday is a day I hope to never re-live. Bucky and I walked into the post-op room to find Becca face down on the bed with blood oozing from her mouth and nose. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold her and and I was scared to touch her, scared I would pull a hose and hurt her. I sat down in the rocker and she was placed in my arms. I immediately became overcome with emotion and started sobbing over her. Her blood stained face and the stench of blood on her breath was more than this mama's heart could bear and I nearly passed out. I had to hand her over to Bucky, remove my jacket and sit in another chair. The nurse offered me ice water and I was feeling better before long...I am weak.

After I recovered, we were moved to our private room. It was difficult to see my baby girl so agitated from the anesthesia and in pain. Last night was the worst. She was in so much pain and at one point I was holding her and she was writhing and kicking and I was having to hold her down. I again got a whiff of her bloody breath and I began sobbing. I had to beg God to give me the strength to stay in my seat with her in my arms because everything in me wanted to hand her to her daddy and far away. I am weak, but He is strong.

"Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak, BUT HE IS STRONG!..."