Friday, January 20, 2012

The Emotional Roller Coaster

I have experienced so many emotions this past month and half. I remember right around Christmas standing in my kitchen and saying out loud, "God I really hate your timing. I think it stinks." I can hear the gasp come out of your mouth as you read that, haha! But alas, I am human and people all around me (in the adoption world) were getting their travel approvals and I was not. My baby girl is across the ocean in an orphanage with no heat and I became quite angry with God's timing. I have since thanked God for not giving me a swift kick in the butt and for being patient with me, a sinner. He is a big God and he can handle my honesty and gently guide me back to loving His providence. He is good!

Once receiving our travel approval my emotions slowed down because I was so consumed with flights, hotels, paperwork, etc. Yesterday, I jumped back on the coaster. One minute I was so excited about leaving for China and the next I was so sad about leaving my boys. Last night while on a date with my wonderful husband, the first tear fell. I am going to miss my boys so much. I have no doubt that their grandparents and the Drake's are going to take very good care of them and that they are going to have so much fun, but I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my body. I have never been away from them for more than 2 nights. I have warned Bucky that I will likely cry all the way home from dropping our kids off with his parents in Tennessee next Saturday. I will be counting down the days until we can get to Rebecca's province then Skype with the boys and introduce them to their new sister.

1 comment:

The Bolens said...

So thankful for your transparancy!! I am currently feeling the exact same way! One day I'll be so very thankful that Naomi is at MBHOH & that we continue to get pictures of her and the next day I will be so angry that God is allowing our wait to go on & on & on..... FLESH! Praying for you all on your journey!!